Baby Boomers Monologue
(looking in a mirror, turns to
Oh! What the world needs now is
love — a little baby-boomer self
love. Don’t judge me, baby!
We brought you civil rights,
nuclear power, and Pop Tarts.
You forgot about us! We’re still
here. Living’ and breathin’. In
fact, I have a gofundme to bring
back mouth breathing. Donate 25
bucks and you get an autographed
When I raise the money, I’ll buy
ABBA on vinyl. AGAIN, dammit!
Got in an argument with a
stranger. He says, “I got a lot of
apathy.” I said I don’t give a
rat’s ass. He said, “Exactly!”
A millennial asked me “How can the
journey be the destination? The
Journey is the journey.
(shakes head and/or other antics)
I said, “I had this dream you were
bothering me. Wait, that wasn’t a
He bragged about being an idiot
savant. I said, “You’re half
right.” He said, “Thank you”!
Next time, my shoe is the
destination and his backside is
A real zero upstairs. I said, “Do
you have scruples?” He said he
exchanged them at Customs.
I finally said, “Kanye, I’m going
out on a limb, but you need a nap.
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