Republicans Defend Robots’ Rights To Own Guns

As the debate about the rights of robots rages on, conservative politicians have found themselves taking a bold new stance: they want robots to have the right to carry firearms under the second amendment.

According to these lawmakers, robots are just as entitled to their second amendment rights as human beings. “The constitution doesn’t discriminate against those who were assembled in a factory,” declared Congressman Matt Gaetz (R-FL), who (rumor has it) is a robot in disguise programmed using PornHub.

Critics of the proposal have expressed concern about the potential danger of arming robots. “We don’t even trust humans with guns, and now we want to give them to machines? That’s just asking for trouble,” warned Congresswoman Maxine Waters (D-CA), who we suspect is secretly a member of the Society for the Prevention of Artificial Robotic Killing (S.P.A.R.K.).

But supporters of the plan argue that robots should be given the same level of trust as human gun owners. “Robots are programmed to follow the law and obey their owners, so there’s no reason to think they would use their guns inappropriately,” said Representative Jim Jordan (R-OH), who clearly has never seen The Terminator.

The idea of robot gun rights has gained traction among some conservative voters, who see it as a logical extension of their belief in individual freedom. “If a robot wants to carry a gun to protect itself, who are we to say no?” said Mary Smith, a resident of Tulsa, OK, who is rumored to have a robot best friend.

While it remains to be seen whether the proposal will become law, it’s clear that the debate around robots and their rights is far from over. As technology continues to advance, questions about the relationship between humans and robots will only become more pressing. But for now, at least some conservative politicians are standing up for the second amendment rights of our robotic brethren, because what could possibly go wrong with giving guns to machines that can’t even feel emotions?

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